Mabo's Citizenship Journey

Mabo’s Citizenship Part 4

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

We were expecting a letter from the the govt as early as September, and knowing how things can seem to crawl through the system we were surprised when it arrived several days ago, late October. Not too bad… as things can go in “the system”.

This is the letter giving us our interview date. This is the last real hurtle on the journey. This is where they sit us both in an office together with an interviewer and they can ask all sorts of questions to see if we really are a couple. Questions could be specific enough that you might only know the answer to if you are living together.

A couple of our friends who have gone through this said that the questioner was so nervous (because of the same sex thing) that they asked a couple basic things and stamped their papers as quickly as they could…”next!”

Within a few weeks of this interview (if we pass) Mabo will be presented with a GREEN CARD! And two years from now, proving we are still together, he will be given FULL U.S. CITIZENSHIP status.

With his green card, he will no longer be bound to any of his temporary visa restrictions…

Our interview is set for December 01 @ 10:15am! Wish me luck that I don’t forget his favorite cereal or what country he was born in… or something silly like that!

Jimmy

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Jimmy

The journey to loving myself: Part 4 – Fear Factor

Please begin with :  Part 1  ; Part 2  ; Part 3 

jimmy at 6 flaGS

“What the hell are you so afraid of?”

“What are you talking about? You know I don’t operate out of fe…..a……….r”

I couldn’t even finish the word fear before my mind was flooded with fear.

“Omgosh! I am completely afraid of losing everything…” 

At first, when my friend asked me that question, I was almost insulted. You see, fear was not a factor for me in the early years of owning my own businesses; and because of this, my response to her question was automatic. For all of the previous 14 years in business I was so used to operating without (much) fear, I didn’t seem to recognize it as it crept into and took over my life… and my business!

How did I not see this happening?

I should know better. I learned how to purposefully manifest in the mid 1990’s and I had been using this knowledge to create some amazing results in both my businesses and my life. And one of the key elements in manifesting purposefully is to recognize and face your fears; but how quickly I forgot.

Fear is a sneaky little devil… and very often your ego is not your best friend.

Basically, unbeknownst to me, my hidden fears were shaping my reality. At that moment I was staring down the fiery throat of my deepest, darkest fears… and they were about to come true!

Since my business was crashing and burning around me, it became impossible to pay myself. I eventually fell several months behind on both my house and car payments. I was in the process of losing my business, that was a reality, and soon to follow would be my car and, heaven forbid, my home.  If I lost the house, there would have been no way to keep my entire large family of rescue animals together. These animals have become my children and my love for them is immense – they are my family.

Over the years I have learned a lot about fear (and in this case, I was about to learn more). Fear is basically “False Evidence/Expectations Appearing Real”. It is a perceived idea of something that could happen, and you expect that it might happen, though it has not yet become part of your current reality –  thus it is false evidence appearing as real. It is not real because it is not actually a part of your current reality.  

At the moment one of your false expectations begins to actually manifest into your life, it is no longer a fear – it has crossed over into your reality. So yes, just as dreams can come true, so also can fears.

One such example of a fear crossing over into my reality was the collapsing of the business beneath my feet. That, my friends, had become a reality. Losing the house and the car were well on their way to happening, but at that moment in time the house and car were still in my possession. Luckily for me the losing of the house and car were still just in the fear stage.

The day when I realized that I was encased in a deep well of my darkest fears, I was very pissed off at myself for letting it happen. That evening, when I went on my walk, I began to call forth my fears.

“OK. What am I afraid of?” 

One by one my fears came to me. As one would pop into my head, I would ask what I needed to learn from it, I then thanked it for what it came to teach me and I sent it off.  I am not saying these fears magically disappeared, though I was purposefully releasing them from my current thoughts. I do believe that during that walk, some of those fears dissipated into nothing once I began to look at them individually and see that they were simply false evidence. And some of them were deep fears that may always stay somewhere within me, though now much closer to the surface where I could monitor them. I knew that if my fears remained in the dark they would forever rule me. This process of looking at my fears seems to remove much of their power over me.

I knew that as long as they were still in the fear stage and not the reality stage, I had a much better chance.

What I have come to know in my own life experience about my thoughts (my fears or my dreams) – they will only cross over into my reality if I continue to feed them enough expectant energy. And when I say feed them, I simply mean thinking about them, and expending emotion while thinking about them. The more intense the energy with which I think of and expect something to happen, the greater the energy I am feeding this thought into becoming my reality.

As I have in the past with bringing my dreams into reality, I knew that I needed to direct my thoughts, expectations and emotions in the direction I wanted to go… rather than remain focused upon the current mess I was in.

If I do not purposefully give myself a new reality to focus upon, I will not be able to stop my brain from thinking about the fear. So, just as I have written business plans in my past, I began writing down my new reality; and the trick for me was/is to write it in the present moment, as if it is already in my reality. I would then spend as much time imagining this reality and begin feeling it as if it was actually there. Isn’t this exactly what I did, with great passion, to create the businesses and my past successes?

Don’t feed any idea you don’t want to see sitting on top of your plate staring back at you. Feed only the ideas you want to see grow.  

I also have learned that this is a process that can take some time. It doesn’t always take a long time, though I am sometimes a slow learner. When you are as deep in the well as I was, it wasn’t as simple as choosing new thoughts, adding instant passion and presto! My passion for the new reality had to build and grow to become greater than the energy that created my current situation. Here in lies the challenge. I was now learning how to manifest in the face of my greatest fears and having to do so during the lowest point in my life – when I didn’t even have the fortitude to turn on my computer. I figured it would be a long haul, though I was determined to keep moving forward to change my current situation. In the months that followed I was able to sell off enough of my personal items to get current on the house and car, and yes, my family stayed together. The entire process of getting myself to the point where I could honestly say “I am living in the most peaceful stage of my life” took approximately 5 years.

The exciting part in all of this is that it was my thoughts, my expectations and my choices that got me into my mess. I use the word exciting because I could also do the same to get me out of my mess. I could choose new thoughts to create the reality of my choice. And guess who has control over my chosen thoughts? Yep, you guessed it. Me.

So,

  1. if my thoughts create my reality…
  2. and, I have full command to chosen ANY thought…
  3. that puts me in the command seat – my reality is my choice.

This is the power of creating consciously.

What happens when we create unconsciously? (Hint: start at the beginning of this post.)

I’ll explain more in Part 5.

To be continued…

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thank you for reading!

peace, love, Jimmy

Our Love Story

Power Ranger line dances into my heart

Three years ago I stood on the side of the dance floor at the Round Up Saloon and Dancehall watching a power ranger do the most hysterically funny and energetic line dance I’d ever seen! That was the official night that I first noticed Mabo.  Less than two years later we were married. Click here to read OUR LOVE STORY – a true Country & Western Dancehall Romance.

Here we are three years from that fateful night. Mabo pulled the costume out of storage and put it on for the 2014 Halloween Block Party down on Cedar Springs (Dallas, TX).  Three years earlier I did not have the opportunity to dance with this power ranger… Last night I had the honor of boot scootin’ with a Power Ranger! Happy as can be!

halloween 2014

 

Mabo's Citizenship Journey

Mabo’s Citizenship Part 3

Today Mabo lost 3 years off of his life – in stress!

Mabo had an appointment for his BIOMETRICS (where they photo & fingerprint you…a necessary step in the immigration process). The form clearly states,

IF YOU FAIL TO APPEAR AS SCHEDULED, YOUR APPLICATION WILL BE CONSIDERED ABANDONED.”

His appointment was for MAY 2 at 2 pm. Mabo thought May 2 was TOMORROW.

Today at 3:30 pm, as he was working on a form for one of his athletes, he noticed today’s date – MAY 2!!!

NO! NO!!! NO!!!!!! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

He quickly got out the appointment letter and called the phone number listed. The recording stated that the offices close at 4 pm and NO WALK INS ALLOWED. There was NO option to speak to a live person, so he decided to drive to the USCIS office anyway.

He frantically searched through his stack of important papers to find his PASSPORT, which he couldn’t find right away because he was shaking so much and couldn’t hardly think straight. After what seemed like forever, which ended up being about 10 minutes, he found his PASSPORT along with all the other documents necessary and he ran out the door. The time was 3:45 pm.

The USCIS Dallas-South office is about a 12 minute drive from our house – with no traffic. At that time of day all of the school zones are still in effect…this would definitely slow him down.

3:51 pm – As Mabo drove to the offices there was a police officer stopping traffic to allow the cars out of one of the school parking lots. By this time, Mabo was nearly out of his mind with worry and fear of his application being “CONSIDERED ABANDONED“.

3:59 pm – Mabo finally pulled into the parking lot of the USCIS office.

4:00 pm – Mabo grabbed the handle on the office door and to his surprise,  it was unlocked! He stepped inside and all the lights were off and it was obvious the employees were closing up shop!

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE… I missed my appointment earlier today… PLEASE let me come in!!! PLEASE, OH PLEASE LET ME COME IN AND LET ME GET THIS DONE!!!!

 

4:17 pm – Mabo walked out of the USCIS office, shaken – not stirred, with the official red BIOMETRICS PROCESSING STAMP upon his application!

THIS WAS A MIRACLE!

I think it is because he is so cute that they allowed him to come in and take his finger prints and his photo. I don’t know of any government office that would allow the rules to be bent – especially if it was after hours!

Our Love Story

Increasing your LOVE quotient

Increasing your love quotient with your partner.

Mabo and I both have a love for Country & Western dancing. We both have noticed that when we go dancing, it renews our love for each other. There is something magical about being in each others arms and looking into each others eyes while dancing around in a big circle upon that dance floor. The feeling of increased love is palpable – we both feel it and comment about it each time as it washes over us. I am so thankful that I have a partner who loves to dance as much (or more) than I do! This is something that we can do together that happens to increase our love quotient. We have both noticed that the weeks when we don’t have an opportunity to dance and look each other in the eyes, our lives seem to just be moving along, no fluctuations or increases in feelings of love, just living our daily lives. Though, the weeks when we get to dance, we have an added amount of happiness and feelings of renewed love.

I have given this much thought and I think the following story has a lot to do with explaining why this happens.

I went to a workshop many years ago, which had nothing specifically to do with couples therapy, in fact it wasn’t for couples at all, and the instructor split us up into two groups and had us line up across from each, nearly toe to toe with the person directly (and randomly, I might add) in front of us. Our goal in this exercise was to look the other person in the eyes and face. We were to neither expect anything from the other person, nor judge them in any way. We were not told what to expect from this exercise and I am still not sure if my results were what was supposed to happen.  This exercise lasted only about 5-10 minutes, I cannot remember…but it was amazing!

I happened to be paired up with a gentleman about my age, maybe a few years younger. He was not particularly handsome, nor was he particularly not handsome (I guess I didn’t follow instructions too well in the judgment department, lol); all I remember is that I was definitely NOT attracted to him. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to look someone, unabashedly and directly, in the eyes for a length of time. So, I would hold his stare as long as I could, then stop and look at his face. As we spent more time, there became a level of feeling that “this is OK to stare this person in the eyes”. So, we did just as we were instructed.

As the minutes went on I began to have a fondness for him. Then as more minutes passed (this is what makes me think it was 10 minutes, because it seemed like a long time) I found myself feeling love for him. I honestly didn’t find him attractive when we first started the exercise and I am not sure I found him physically attractive after the exercise, but I definitely began to love this person. And the love I was feeling had nothing to do with sex, I had a sense of ONEness with him – I just wanted to hug him.

Wow! The power of looking someone in the eyes for any length of time is AMAZING!  I guess it is true that “your eyes are a window to your soul”.

I would venture to take an educated guess that if you were to pick a time when you and your spouse or your loved one could spend 5 – 10 minutes to simply look each other in the eyes, no judgment or expectations (as best you can), you would increase your overall love quotient. Or why not go dancing…so something that allows you to look deeply into the eyes of your loved one…it has worked for us!

peace, love, jimmy

Our Love Story

The Un-Dateable ME

Finding love when you feel you are The Most Un-Dateable Person on the Planet.

by Jimmy Belasco, Poster Child for THE MOST UN-DATEABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET (reigning years 2009-2011)

One day, I found myself on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, Bill (name changed), as I was trying to talk him “off the ledge” (of his bed); he was in the throws of a deep depression.

I’m so lonely! I will NEVER find anyone who could ever love me!” As he droned on and on for nearly an hour, inside my head I was shouting, “SHUT UP! You’re a 6’2” gorgeous model for GOODNESS SAKE! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You think you won’t be able to find someone just because you are a starving artist!? SHUT THE HELL UP! You’re worried that you are getting too old!? YOU’RE ONLY TURNING 40!!!!” I am pretty sure at one point I remember envisioning myself reaching through the phone with my hands securely around his neck as I was trying to cut off just enough oxygen to stop him from uttering one more word. It is also at about that point that I found myself thinking, or in this case yelling, outside of my head as I was shouting, “SHUT THE HELL UP!!!   IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!?   STOP NOW… BEFORE I START TO LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT LESS!!!” “Oops, did I say that out loud?” I got him to chuckle at that one. “Let’s just stop right here and compare our situations, shall we?” as I gathered my composure. “Take a moment to catch your breath while we spend a little time to look at THE UN-DATEABLE ME.”

‘The Un-Dateable Me’ I was referring to was the ME, about 4 years prior, when I re-entered back into The Wonderful World of Singledom. During that period in my life I could have been the official poster child for THE MOST UN-DATEABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET. I knew in this situation of odds, I had him beat – not that this was a contest; I just had to shut him up and give him a little perspective. But let’s face it; I didn’t look very good on paper.

JIMMY BELASCO – The Most Un-Dateable Person on the Planet

  1. I was closer to 50 than I was 40. (Age didn’t make one bit of difference to me, but it always seemed to end up on the top of his list, so I pulled the “I’m older than you and look what I was able to do” card)
  2. I was unemployed. (My most recent business had failed after years of struggling to keep it afloat)
  3. I was unemployable. (No one seemed interested in hiring someone who had been self employed for over 20 years)
  4. I was financially broke. (See #2 & #3 above)
  5. I was a 5’9” pasty white doughboy who was at least 40-50lbs overweight! (Now hold on, it is getting good…)
  6. I was living with over a dozen rescue animals (which are all part of the family and NOT up for adoption), with a veritable GERIATRICS WARD as well as a SPECIAL NEEDS WING (for some of the animals with Special Needs, requiring things like hand-feeding and watering with a turkey baster). And the kitchen often doubled as a TRIAGE UNIT & EMERGENCY ROOM (because I could not afford to go to the vet hospital)
  7. And ALL that item #6 entails (Living with that many animals requires a very special kind of insanity, I mean, a special kind of person with a very, very big heart)
  8. …And the DOG HAIR (this one deserves its own listing…I used to miscount dogs during headcount thinking the ball of hair sleeping in the corner was actually a dog)
  9. And in a house that was in varying stages of remodel and disrepair (With my businesses closing, businesses opening and ever changing; money always seemed to be tight, leaving the house in complete and utter distress. Add to this the items listed in #’s 6-8; this was not a place to which you wanted to invite guests. It was, in fact, the perfect place to horrify and scare away any person you really liked!) (And now it gets really, REALLY GOOD, and you may want to get a glass of water and sit down for this one…)
  10. …The GRAND DELUXE PRIZE for that LUCKY PERSON who would have been unfortunate enough to go out with me… I was living with my ex-ex-partner, John, of 14.5 years in a house that we own together! (Because of the bad economic state of my financial affairs, he had to move back in to help us keep the house from going into foreclosure. And even though he had his own separate living quarters upstairs, had his own boyfriend of several years and we had grown to be more like brothers, it was still not something you would want on your dating resume!)

“HA! TRY TOPPING THAT!!!” Now that finally shut him up! Though, I do remember hearing a chuckle or so about halfway through my list – I know the whole dog thing sorta freaked him out.

Now, be honest with yourself, if you were handed this Dirty Laundry List attached to a Dating Resume, would you have made it more than half way through without running?  I can clearly hear the pitter patter of feet starting around number 2 or 3 on the list. It starts with “R”, ends with “N” and has “U” in the middle – Lace up your Nike’s… and Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

Even with all of those odds stacked against me back then, I believed with ALL OF MY HEART that I would draw to me the love of my life; the person whom I would love and adore and who would love and adore me, and accept me – including ALL of THE UN-DATABLE ME. And that is exactly what I did. About three years after becoming single, I met the person who would become the love of my life, Mabo Yamamura. And two years later, we were married at the very tip of Cape Cod. And lets go back to Bill; because of his amazing ability to focus and the fact that he had done much of the work (that we will discuss later) prior to his meltdown, he pulled himself together and within approximately TWO months after the talking him off the ledge conversation, he had drawn to himself his current relationship, which he now describes as the love of his life. Let me point something out something very important here, my new relationship and Bill’s new relationship didn’t just happen “by chance”. We specifically and knowingly attracted these people into our lives using a few things I have learned over the years.

The period leading into attracting the love of my life, was THE darkest period of my life. My 14.5 year relationship had just ended along with a long, slow and painful collapse of my most recent business. Adding to all of this fun, I went well over 3 years without a paycheck. THOUGH, it is because of this dark period that I AM NOW HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN!

If not for My Dark Period, I would have never gone to the Round Up that night (to get out of the house and socialize for the first time in about 3 years), I would not have met Mabo, I would not have had the time to get to know him (unemployed and all the time in the world). I would not have looked as good as I did (I couldn’t afford to eat much more than basic proteins, along with the dancing I lost nearly 40 lbs). I now look back upon My Dark Period, as my friend Maggie (John, my ex’s mom) so aptly named it, as a necessary step for me to not only find myself, but also to be in a space in which I could attract the love of my life – Mabo! To read Our Love Story, find that link on the menu of this site.